TRAGEDI OKTOBER

9.10.09

Bukan kecewa dipinggirkan

Aku kecewa tiada kejujuran

Bukan bersedih disakiti

Teramat pedih diri dikhianati

Sebelum kasih menjadi benci

Aku memilih berpisah di sini

Bila tiada kesetiaan

Tak mungkin teguh pendirian

Biar menangis di ketika ini

Tidak rela menagis di kemudian hari

Hilang kekasih mungkin berganti

Yang kuharapkan teman sejati

Sebelum kasih menjadi benci

Aku memilih berpisah di sini

Oh teman sejati Oh teman sejati

Oh berpisah di sini

Sebelum kasihMenjadi benci

Aku memilih berpisah di sini

i balik frm M tadi.sorang.5.30am.ujan lebat.he dumped me like sampah via sms. i ponteng keje semalam waited for him to come home dekat 2 hari .dlm blik.tak makan.tak mandi.he refuse badly to see me at all.maki hamun teruk kat sms. he has new car.new confidence.he needs new gf.i can see it coming actually.he always lupakan i bila dia senang. dapat duit lebih.pi vacation.travel.typical kan?

yea aku masih dengan dia.baca balik posts lama.that long kan.tapi tak hepi.insecure.sedih sangat.

i thought after patti died we can get married and he cant live without me but i was wrong.he also didnt tell me when patti died.i knew after a week and half.but it it doesnt matter kan skarang

the "pain" doesnt settle in lagi but ive been through this many many times. takkan tak numb kan .takkan takleh handle? keep repeating in my head

"he s not fit to be a husband or a dad to my children. he should be my pillar of strenght .ketua keluarga.he s not my equal."

hey?just let go..seperti 3 bulan lepas ye?kita dah cuba sedaya upaya kan?ade je tak kena. ade org "menunggu" dia. and might be ade orang "menunggu" i kan ? u dah beg, u dah cried, u dah triak.uve done evrything tapi tak lekat gak. meaning ade lah something tu kay?

tapi ironic lah biasa dekat my birthday or raya mesti r.ship in the bridge of breaking up or tengah krisis or dah break up kan?macam sumpah ye

i simpan gambar2 (dia mana yang dapat) takat simpan je lah.maybe tatap after few years kan?skang tak boleh i memang tengah rindukan dia sangat thats why beria2 nak jumpa. i even dah packed raya goodies and cheese tart. tapi tak sempat nak beri. well, again it doesnt make any diff. pun.

rn kalau dia dah kuat letting you go senang macam tu coz of whatever reason pun .u mesti ber- ganda2 kuat ye.life s like that. in the end women jugak yang banyak rugi dalam relationship.

relationship sangat penting buat saya coz im afraid of being alone and miserable.i miss the intimacy most.hazabbb nyaaa..

kita pelan2 pi gym, buat lesen, amik MUET, buat degree, tukar keje or amik M lessons..sambil2 cari bf baru ye reene?i know banyak kali u cakap nak uat above things. tapi truthly kalau u tak clash tah sampai bila u nak bergerak kan??ull be too busy attending to his needs.tunggu dia balik keje. tu aja lah..i think. i pun dah rasa content dapat hambakan diri dengan dia. he s happy and feeling satiated with whatever .i pun puas. strange kenapa camtu kan? r.ship i ni like mother -child relationship. he left the nest i end up alone and nobody to serve to. bleyy tak..well his "gatal" nature pun tak help lansung.

yang pentingnya i think im in a phase wanting to get married.to have a teman sejati.permanent partner. i tau in my heart it wont work. i got all the signs tapi maybe low self esteem lah or the settled -for-less attitude buat i pining, hoping , berharap sangat kat dia. he kan my 1st ever

i hope as i go along in life. i can totally be at peace with myself. have the confidence to do anything i want .being happy alone.tak pikir pasal dia banyak sangat.cry je alot.biasa i kan lega after a good cry kan?anddd of course finding my true love..wherever he might be

jangan lama sangat depressed ye reene.blaja dari lina.tak payah pi jauh.okay?just keep on movin.pause kejap.then resume balik kay .keep the pace.

syukur kepada Allah whatever it is pun, i have felt how love can change a person. jadik better, good or bad tengok dynamic r.ship tu camne kan.in my case: all of the above. tapi rasa banyak bad kan?i also felt being crazily in love.obsessively. and bein hurt sooooo bad in the end. i know its better to feel love than never love at all.tapi i rather taknak go through r.ship yang BAD AGAIN. i nak being head over heels passionly in love again, i do..sighh

note to him: baby, hany, usuk ,bntt, sayang, uyang,ubi, yoyang, yg..ur everything takat ni.its the end of the road for you.IM TAKING BACK MY LOVE.the end