Crossroad

dear life,

im at a crossroad. whr do i go frm here?its so hard to even start on anything. START saja. bergerak one step ahead.sangat takut of the future.not dat i knw wuts in store for me.good or bad, i gotta harungi juga...so wut am i so afraid of??sigh

last weekend i lied to everybody including my mom:(. actually i went to c THE BF.he merayu nak jumpa i and we end up doing more than juz "berjumpa". but dats another story (and dont think anything notty) its x like dat really.well sort of. anyway, he wants me not as a gf, not sumbody he sees bein with for a long time. he wants me not as a fren jugak. so between dat le, with benefits of course. tapi benefit lebih kepada sapa yg untung?? entahlah. mine is more towards.."ill b thr when u need me basis" emotionally support wise and him..carnally wise. bley gitu?

sigh...so wut else is new??i c it comin' actually..so i gave him an ULTIMATUM

U WANT ME?THEN TAKDE DISKAUN2..LETS GO ALL DA WAY.COME WUT MAY.LETS JUZ GO FOR IT. U AND ME AGAINST THE WORLD!SAYA AKAN SACRIFICE EVERYTHING FOR LOVE.

hahahaha..sounds ridiculous eyyyy no no not really it sounds like SUICIDE!i mean its impossible!oil and water cannot mix weiiiiii..hailaaaaaaa..perlu ke membakar diri untuk cinta???lebih2 lagi cinta itu tak pasti.kalau hanya bertepuk sebelah tangan camne?the bf macam dah berubah hati. he s making a lot of xcuses..i knw in my heart he is confuse but u do LUV ME RITE???so i tot salah seorang kena mengalah untuk make our RELATIONSHIP WORKS?! so i mengalah bf. wut more do u want?i dah letak diri i kat tangga terbwah sangat taraf PARIAH mungkin (mayb over exaggerate skit)..ape lagiii bf..ape lagiii..

tiba teringat lagu "berhenti berharap" dari SO7

perempuan kalau bercinta tak ingat apekan?sanggup buang mak bapak, sedara, kawan, kerjaya HARGA DIRI, WHOLE LIFE dia AGAMA sumanya untuk CINTA..perlu ka??in the end??ape kita akan dapat?happiness ke?kalau tak hepi ok ke?bukan ke kita nak pursue happiness dats why kita tinggalkan sumanya..for HIM?

bley tak??skang ni halatuju my life ditentukan oleh one sms yg dia janji akan bagi ths petang. juz dat one stupid sms. a YES OR NO answer.no explanation needed.takleh dirunding dah.memang JAWAPAN MUKTAMAD. i takleh move on nor bergerak lansung.stagnant kat sini juz menunggu dat sms! sounds GILA but dats wut im doin rite now..posting kat blog. brain dead skang.perempuan bijak cam aku neh dikalahkan oleh seorang laki.juz one man. but i feel dat he is THE WORLD to me.

how can dat b yzzi?
y do u let him..do this to u??
i dun knw really, it juz happen...

banyak nye jalan..mana nak pi ni?but wut i do knwnow is i need dat answer from u bf. then ill chart my course....

"life is like a box full of choco. ull nvr knw wut ull get"
sumbody reminded me dat..yea good or bad u kena harungi jugak. dont dat makes life MORE FUN/INTERESTING ?hmmm....

i promise ill move on if the answer is a BLUNT NO. i promise...ill make plans for us. good plans..God willing. after all org yg paling u bleh harapkan HANYALAH UR OWN SELF

update: its 5.30pm on 30.5.06. i cant tunggu his sms. so i subtly force him to tell me. AND HE SAID HIS DECISION STAND.he doesnt want me anymore. bley tak dia kata " so u selamba ja..ok je..so u wont call me nomore? u dun understand ull thank me in few years time" well J u degil dgn pendirian u sgt2 sure ur doin the rite thing so be it!i jugak sama cam u stand tru dgn pendirian i..heart broken mmg heart broken..sedih mmg sedih, but sumhow i knew he wud say no and in a way im glad its all over. macam gantung tak bertali rasa.takde status di hati dia.cakap cinta tapi perbuatan tak menunjukkan cinta. God knows how hard i nak pertahankan my relationship. i wont give up witout a fight..and i lose to ..????he s not into me dat much

im letting you go my beautiful butterfly
spread ur wings and prepare to fly coz u have become a butterfly
shud u return to me then ill knw we r meant to be

I LUV U SYG..I REALLY DO

but dats life..move on..
....and the journey continuessss...